The topic of forgiveness is something that affects us all. There are times when we must forgive, and many others when we must ask for forgiveness. Being in either position can be very difficult. Therefore, I'd like to share some notes on this important topic for all kinds of personal relationships.
Forgiveness has psychological benefits.
The act of forgiving someone who has hurt us implies kindness. But above all, it implies recognizing oneself as capable of turning over a new leaf and continuing a story.
There are many psychological benefits to forgiving, among the most important being a reduction in stress. Furthermore, When grudges are left behind, mental and emotional space is freed up.
That is why it is said that whoever forgives does so as a gesture of kindness towards himself. A gesture that will allow you to continue with your story instead of getting stuck at one point in it.
There is another reason to forgive that The School of Life raises from a more pragmatic perspective:
Without thinking, you have added insult to injury to others. We don't need to know anything about you to know this for certain. We must forgive because, not now, not for this, but one day, for something, we must be forgiven.
Forgiving is not the same as forgetting.
Forgiving is moving on, but it's not the same as forgetting. When we forgive, we must do so with honesty. Forgetting an offense or wrongdoing can easily lead us to the same situation more than once.
To genuinely forgive is to recognize and accept what has hurt us. and make it a part of our life story, without forgetting or justifying it.
While we should not forget, it is not healthy to cling to the memory of something painful. As discussed in This podcast that I recommend: “Sometimes the memory of the offense does more damage than the offense itself.”
Everyone forgives at their own pace.
Holding grudges and plotting revenge has negative consequences for our emotional well-being, that's no secret. But we must keep in mind that going to the other extreme doesn't help either: Obsessing over exonerating those who hurt us just because we know it's "the right thing to do" can be very exhausting. There is no need to repress what we truly feel, because doing so also has its consequences.
Forgiveness is a process that takes time and, as a favor to ourselves, we need to respect our own rhythms. You don't have to forgive right now.
Forgive when you are ready to do so.
